Plaxico Burress - Too Stupid

NY Giants star receiver Plaxico Burress, who caught the winning touchdown pass in last year's Super Bowl, accidentally shot himself in the leg on Friday night at a Manhattan night club.

Apparently Plax, decked out in expensive jewelry and carrying a lot of cash, was originally denied entrance to the Latin Quarter night club on Lexington Avenue because he was carrying a weapon, but talked (or paid) his way in after convincing club security that he needed the gun for protection. Then, on his way into the VIP lounge, the gun started to slip down his leg, and upon grabbing for it, he accidentally shot himself in the thigh. (see story New York Daily News)

The good news is, he's okay - the bullet went in and out of his right thigh without hitting bone or artery.
The bad news is, he's in a lot of trouble. New York City has a mandatory minimum 3.5 year jail sentence for anyone convicted of carrying an illegal loaded handgun - no exceptions. "GUNS = PRISON"

According to Michael Strahan, retired Giants defensive end, players are explicity warned during training camp about the stringent gun laws in NYC. If you don't have a a license, don't carry! So there's really no excuse.

On top of that, anyone who shoots himself in the leg in a nightclub is too stupid to begin with. An NFL player, who just signed a $35 million over 5 years contract, and shoots himself in the leg, is a complete retard ... even before you consider the gun laws!

Plax's lawyer says he will turn himself in to cops on Monday morning and plead not guilty.

Thanks to Mike Florio of ProFootballTalk.com for most of this information.

Nothing says Too Stupid like Wal-Mart customers

Introducing Wal-Mart Bingo:

Not to downplay the tragic death of the 34 year old temporary Wal-Mart worker trampled to death early this morning by a crazed throng of 'customers' who had been waiting in line all night in the hopes saving a few dollars on on Black Friday**...

... but would you really have expected anything better from Wal-Mart customers? Have you ever been to Wal-Mart? A friend of my husband's once compared it to a UN drop zone, after his first Wal-Mart experience. And that was on a regular day, not Black Friday! He was so outraged by the time he left the store that he swore at the 'greeter' on his way out.

So with that premise in mind, let me introduce you to Wal-Mart Bingo. (You've heard of Buzzword Bingo right?)

So it's the same premise - print this card before your next trip to Wal-Mart - you'll likely get Bingo inside of 5 minutes.

**Black Friday refers to the post-Thanksgiving Day sales in the US. It is called Black Friday because apparently it takes until this day of the year for retail stores to break-even, hence they are now 'in the black ink' (though somehow I don't think this applies to Wal-Mart!). Sort of like 'Tax Freedom Day' for the individual.

Buzzword Bingo

Buzzword Bingo, in my opinion, is one of the funniest office jokes ever invented.

Buzzword Bingo is a Bingo take-off game where prior to an all-employee meeting with speeches from upper management, participants prepare 'Bingo cards' with corporate buzzwords (predicatable arcane motivational business slogans) and tick them off when the speaker uses them during the event. The first person to get a 'Bingo' wins.

Part of the game is to have the nerve to actually yell "Bingo!"; instead of simply emailing or texting everyone, or just looking around delightedly and mouthing the word "Bingo" at everyone.

But it doesn't matter who wins anyway. The funny part is that the speaker looks like a pointless fool.

This 2007 IBM commercial doesn't quite capture it, but if you've never heard of Buzzword Bingo, you'll get the point.

Too Stupid for a Successful Career? Think about a career in HR!

Seriously though - if you aren't good at anything in particular and don't have any specific career interests, get your Human Resources Certification.

This will give you the flexibility to work in virtually any industry, and if you work for a global corporation, it will offer you travel opportunities and/or the chance to live and work abroad in one of their subsidiary offices.

There is no better department to work in than HR if you're looking for a fast track up the corporate ladder. You can honestly go from a junior administrative position to a Vice President in a large organization within 10 years (I personally know two people who have done this). And it is unbelievable how much HR people make on their way up the ladder.

You don't have to be amazingly smart. (In fact, most HR people I’ve met seem too stupid to be in the positions they're in. I hope that’s part of the act – that they don’t want to be intimidating – but it’s a very convincing act!) The main characteristics you need for an HR job are optimism and enthusiasm. And the best part is, many companies will pay for your education for you.

Step #1: Target corporations that stress professional development and offer tuition reimbursement – then apply for entry level jobs.

Step #2: After you're hired, meet with your Human Resources representative and let him/her know that you're interested in pursuing a career in the HR field. Ask what courses you need to take to get the appropriate certification for a senior position. They will be encouraging, and tell you where and what you need to take to be considered for advancement. Most importantly they will authorize you for reimbursement upon successful completion of the courses. (Note: these programs normally take several years if you are doing them on a part-time/evening basis.)

Step #3: Portray an incredibly positive, chipper attitude at work (this is the most important part!)
- Volunteer for the social committee
- Participate in and offer to help organize any corporate events
- Contribute to the company intranet/newsletter
- Stay apprised of any networking opportunities.

Step #4: Apply for any and all positions within HR. Accordance with #3 above will ensure you are HR's first choice for these positions. In fact, more often than not, they will go out of their way to recruit you.

Step #5: Complete the certification program. This is the hardest part, because it's exhausting to work and go to school at the same time. But keep in mind that all you need are passing grades to get your certification - C's get degrees! Leave your perfectionism at the office, and do the bare minimum to complete the program as quickly as possible.

I wish someone had given me this advice when I was 20. I changed my major a bunch of times (stupid !), and graduated with a useless general arts degree (too stupid !). I took an administrative job in the Finance department of a large company and worked my way up to Senior Executive Assistant (way too stupid !!) The girl that started in the mailroom 5 years later, and then switched into Human Resources, is now a Vice President.

Beer Goggles: Worst Case Scenario (don't go into room 237 - too stupid!)

The Shining (1980)

Beer Goggles for yourself (too true and too stupid)

A friend of mine once joked that unfortunately beer goggles can work both ways - not only does the person you're picking up seem more attractive the night before, but so does your alcohol-induced perception of yourself in the mirror.

It might sound stupid, but think back to the last time you checked yourself out it the mirror right before you and your friends headed out for the night - you thought you looked pretty good right?

So don't be surprised if you're not the only one running for the door the next morning! Then take a second look at your reflexion.

Otto Dix
At the Mirror

UPDATE: Don't take my word for it, check out this article from MSNBC "Hot or not? Look again —'beer goggles' are real"

"Africa is a Continent, Sarah Zach" (too stupid Sarah!)

There seem to be an infinite number of examples of Sarah Palin's stupidity, the latest brings to mind the quote "Africa is a continent Zach" (Courtney B. Vance to Bill Paxton) from the movie The Last Supper.

When the movie came out, my husband didn't want to rent it because it revolved around a bunch of left-wing, tree hugging, self-righteous, pacifistic, stupid "liberals" - but when you watch it, the end message is that extremists on both sides of the spectrum are dangerous.

I know that sounds preachy, but it's a actually great movie - very funny and cynical! Watch the trailer: The Last Supper.

Plus it has some fantastic artwork by the obscure artist David Ivie .


David Ivie
Gate
Elizabeth Harris Gallery

Lost Time / False Hope (too stupid to dwell on)

Time, time, time.
See what’s become of me
While I looked around
For my possibilities
I was so hard to please

Look around
Leaves are brown
And the sky
Is a hazy shade of winter

...

Hang onto your hopes my friend
That's an easy thing to say
But if your hopes should pass away
Simply pretend
That you can build them again

A Hazy Shade of Winter

HBO Canada (too stupid it's taken this long!)

Finally!!!...HBO has come to Canada.

Albeit it's called 'HBO Canada'... And you can't get it as a single channel, only as part of a premium pay package like The Movie Network or Movie Central... And it's required to comply with the insanely stupid federal CanCon regulations and devote 25% of overall air time, and 35% of prime time, to Canadian content ...
But they promise the schedule will include the full HBO lineup.

So far I'm not disappointed. We spent the afternoon watching four back-to-back episodes of Real Time With Bill Maher. I'm not a Bill Maher fan by any stretch of the imagination, but it was pretty good. Bill, like Yellow Bear, is a cynic and loves to point out the stupidity of others. I absolutely laughed my ass off at this video clip.



(Keeping in mind that this episode aired right after McCain announced Palin as his running mate (hands down the stupidest move of his campaign), so this is joke is a bit old now, (and of course it's pre-Tina Fey) I found it funny as hell.)

Too Stupid | 2 for Toopid

2 for Toopid !

This website is devoted to all stupid things in life - as Yellow Bear says: "Toopid !"

Yellow Bear is extremely cynical and points out anything and everything remotely stupid.
Clarisse generally agrees with him about almost everything.